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Methamphetamine Abuse Poems
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Dec
11The Price of My Addiction
I always wonder if he knows, if he has finally figured everything out. I hate myself for what I am doing, but even more for what I may be doing to him. I tell myself that he can't possibly know, that I have hidden it too well but my facade is slowly cracking and he is slowly climbing through the rubble.
He knows I love him but does he also wonder where I always am? The bathroom has become my sanctuary, my only place to hide. Yet by closing this door, does he wonder if I'm shutting him out? He has become just a tiny voice on the other side of the door; a little boy in the dark. By always hiding, always keeping secrets, am I making him a stranger? Does he wonder where his Mommy has gone?
I want to hug him and reassure him, to let him know that I am still here But how do I tell him that Mommy's battle is far from over, that this door will not soon open.
That tiny voice crying out, that little boy only asking, "Why?' I only thought that I was hurting myself, I thought I was keeping him safe. But my clouds of smoke, my escape from reality have found their way to him.
Kim
